Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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