Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
