and you said cock pushups were impossible
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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