Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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