I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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