ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I enjoy the company of your penis
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
