I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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