Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
