i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
