she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
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you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
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She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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