She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
