Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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