I hate all girls vehemently.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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