Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
