Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
