Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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