The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
