I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
