Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
