i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
