fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
