she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The Olympian is in my bed
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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