I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
