Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
