clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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