sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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