i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
