some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just pee around me
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
