YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
