Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
