Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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