I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i love accidental penises.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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