My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
