Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize