Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
