just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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