i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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