I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
