I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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