my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
