You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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