Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
