i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There r osticjed everywhere
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
