shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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