you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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