That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
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Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
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The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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