after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
