I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
