I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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