I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We need a shit load of segways right now
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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