I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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