I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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