direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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