I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
