youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
