I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
