i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
