I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
