i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
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I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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