I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
