so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
