Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
