Swine flu. Run for my life!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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