My Higher Power is John Stamos
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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