my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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