The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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